Archive for the ‘Brisan’ Category

Has it Been 5 Years Already, Brisan?

Brisan, 5 years has felt like it has flown by! This time of year is so difficult because not only did you start your journey today, Parker has had his birthday and the same journey just a short 10 months after you. That grief is deep at the beginning of the year. It is very heightened.  Has it really been 5 years? So much life has transpired since then.

Being our last snow day of that March 3, 2014 school year, there are moments that we remember so much more in detail than others. The very next day for you, it was your homecoming to meet our King, Jesus in the early morning hours of March 4th. We can only hope you are living like a “King” in your own right being free of Niemann-Pick Type C. You are missed dearly my little Bubbas!

The void is a great chasm that having you and Parker no longer here has a piece of us feeling broken and empty. Because the cross has spoken, we are forgiven which gives us the opportunity to seek Him directly. I cannot put into words but my/ our hearts are broken into millions of little pieces but we get put back together by His love for us. Brisan, you are experiencing the ultimate promise. I can't wait until we get to be with you again. Duncan misses you, champ. You never had the chance to meet Rubee but I know she would have endeared you!

We stopped by to visit you and Parker a couple of days ago. The day we laid you to rest was like no other. A very surreal moment.


These moments aren't taught in preparation for burying your children and how to manage the weight of grievance it bares. We all are faced with non-seeming pivotal moments that in the midst of the battle you cannot see the impact of your decisions very clearly. It requires a faithfulness to lean on others that have our best interest in Jesus's name for our eternal souls and not be fooled by our earthly thinking.

I am thankful for all of our friends and family that have responded in love and kindness towards my family. People ask how we “get through it” and the simple answer is all of you praying and lifting us up to Jesus.

Walk By Faith – Jeremey Camp
I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way?
Will I receive the words you say
Every moment of every day?
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath you make me new
Your grace covers all I do, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah
……
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Happy 14th Birthday, Brisan!

Brisan on his Make A Wish trip June 2009

Brisan on his Make A Wish trip June 2009

Happy 14th Birthday, Brisan! Ohhhh Mr. Bubbas! This is your 5th birthday celebrating your big day while you are in heaven. We hope you are having a big ol' party up there! Have you pushed your brother down the stairs again? Have you tried to tramp him in the clothes basket like you did Duncan? 🙂

Some have told us that these days would get easier as time goes on but really we just remember all the things that we are missing out on. Your presence brought us so much laughter and joy that our family just isn't the same without you or Parker here.

We will celebrate you today with a little “cacoons” at our favorite Chinese place! Our hearts will be heavy for you, son. We love you! We miss you immensely!

A couple weeks ago at church as we are studying Romans… we looked at what the message of Romans 8:28 WAS NOT.

Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

  • It doesn't mean all things that happen are good.
  • It doesn't mean God causes all things, including bad things, to happen to you.
  • It doesn't mean all things work out the way you want.
  • It doesn't mean everything is going to work out for everybody eventually.
  • It doesn't mean we can live any way we choose and God will fix our messes.

He will never allow a pain to be wasted in your life. All the pain and suffering will turn out for something good in the life of his kids.

All we have is hope. Keep smiling.

Brisan-Daddy-2-22-12

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4 Years Has Gone By Fast

Today marks 4 years at 1:55 am since you went to heaven, Bubbas. I feel we will write similar messages every year on your anniversary of your physical passing. Your joyful spirit and curious gestures were always something me and Mom reflect upon and cherish. You always had to have a finger or two in your mouth at all times!

We would say this was the hardest day of our life up until that point. It was so very much “not real” because we never left you at the hospital by yourself. Me or Mom were always there to be right by your side. Reflecting back to the day before on March 3rd, we could have never imagined this is what your homecoming would have looked like. Your passing was glorious in one right to the promises God has given us but it also invited a void that reality swept in and kicked us right in the teeth to learn how to cope without you here. It is an ongoing battle of grieving.

We all miss you and Parker dearly Brisan! I know Duncan sure does as well. I know you didn't get a chance to meet Rubee but we know she would have endeared you.

For all the things that we “dreamed” for your life here on earth, you showed us that we could love unconditionally that no one can just script.

I recall as I stood next to you on that hospital bed after you took your last breath, holding your hand, and crying looking upward towards heaven…. it felt so real. I felt you run up by my side and give me a big hug… a kind that I had to throw my right elbow up and over you so I could embrace you as back. Then you “ran” off like you were going to play. You had the biggest smile on your face… the kind that we so much remember before NPC took that away. It was so real feeling.

Me and Mommy love you.

Jennifer with Brisan and Parker

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3 Years Mr. Parker!!!

3 years ago today Parker you were called Home to be with your big bro and partner in crime, Brisan. This is such an intense month with celebrating your birthday, your Homecoming, and then laying you to rest. It seems just like yesterday. 🙁

Parker :(

I remember back in 2009 when we went to Florida for our Make-a-Wish trip for Brisan and you…. you guys played on Daytona Beach! You enjoyed it so much with sand in your mouth and all over your face! Brisan decided to do the smart thing and fall asleep in the chair in the shade. 🙂 We just couldn't fathom how precious the memories would be during this time. We Love You!

You played with so much “joy” and your heart was so full.

2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”

John 14:2-4 NIV

 

The boys at the start of a bath in July 2010. Parker was being a stinker with “Heyyyyyy”, Duncan being cute as a button and Brisan doing his “thang” looking gangsta with the Palm Tree hanging out of his mouth. Parker was so full of “personality” as they all 3 were. It was such an honor to be their earthly parents! Miss you guys! There are no words to describe the void that this has put into our hearts & lives forever.

Mom & Dad miss you.

[ Youtube Video Link]

 

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Happy 13th Birthday Brisan!

Brisan's Last Birthday

The big 13th Brisan! Happy Birthday!

This marks your 4th birthday since you have went Home. Gosh, time just fly's by but the pain and hurt of losing you (and Parker) is still a very fresh wound for all of us. It has completely rocked our world and just when we thought having/had a rare disease was life changing, the grieving side of things has equally done the same to all of us. It has altered our hearts and minds in ways that frankly we couldn't wish upon anyone losing a child.

Me and Mom have talked about what you'd be “into” being in middle school and what some of your interests may be. You'd be in 7th grade this year and Parker in 6th grade.

We are so proud and honored to be your parents. I know Duncan misses you a bunch and that you never had the opportunity to meet Rubee, Mia and Anna but we sure hope you are having one heck of a party up there!

Mommy posted this on FB:

Today Brisan would of been 13 years old. A teenager, a 7th grader and our oldest boy. There are honestly no words to describe what it is like to not have you here with us. Happy Birthday sweet Bubbas. We love and miss you very much. You and Parker have forever changed our lives.

We love and miss you bubbas!

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3 Years Brisan – Still Feels Like Yesterday

3 years ago marks a fairly large amount of time but this morning at 1:55 am you took the express route home to Jesus! It still feels like yesterday to us Brisan. We so deeply miss you guys. March 3rd was the last snow day of the 2013-2014 school year. Duncan was off with his little buddy Keagan at the library enjoying his day talking about wrestling with Jesus. Little did he or us know that those plans were shaping up for your homecoming a little after midnight.

We are so grateful that we were able to capture your last morning laughing and being “Brisan” on video. Although you were just getting better off a small eye cold and seemed a bit “weezy”, you sure were in a super happy mood leading up to your last earthly day.

Shortly after all was said and done for your time on earth, our main wall clock randomly stopped at about the same time as you went Home. Ironic? Still 3 years later we have not touched and replaced the battery. It feels like something we shouldn’t do!

Our heartaches in ways we cannot ever express in words with the void that we all feel deep down inside. The what if’s of what would life be like if this never was apart of our lives (NPC) for you, Parker, and the whole family. Our family make-up would be vastly different. We secretly wonder to ourselves what kind of things you’d like to be doing for fun as a kid?

We can take away a lot from the grieving we have experienced and will continue to do so. We realize that life is short in the grand scheme of all things through this experience of losing you and Parker.

Psalm 34:18 New International Version (NIV)

18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

We went to your favorite place today to eat “cocoons” and Anna ate “peas and carrots”!

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