Our lives as many of you are aware has changed drastically the past 19 months. We lost Brisan March 4, 2014 and then Parker on January 23, 2015. During this time we had always been Foster Parents and cared for a few handfuls of children the past 3 years. We had one little girl come into our home August 1, 2014 named Rubee. Through a long process and even challenging times because of our grieving, we officially adopted her into our home on October 9, 2015.
Many of you also think we are beyond crazy. That is ok because to some extreme you have to be. You have to be extreme in your thinking, heart, and faith that God has a plan for your life and it doesn't always include “you” as the main subject. Here we are in the midst of grieving and we were called to adopt this little girl. This wasn't any ordinary little girl either.
Rubee came with a laundry list of reasons that you would want to say… ummm, “no”. She came in like a fierce hurricane due to her young age of 3 and her experiences she had to endure during this time. We had to question if we should even be considering doing this with the added pressure that was put on our family. A few months after Parker passed this year, we were asked to officially proceed with adoption.
James 1:27 NIV
27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
For Jenn, I don't feel she had the same extent of issues with it as I did. I was very upset and not even wanting to do this. I was griping and trying to wrap my mind around losing our sons and yet I felt the State had some pretty poor timing in it all. (Isn't it funny how it isn't YOUR time… but his?) In a course of 3 days in mid to late March 2015, God spoke to me. He gradually tore down my wall of fear, selfishness, and the uncertain over the course of 3 mornings. Without sharing in utter detail, he simply made clear to me that “he got us through Brisan and Parker, so why would he not do the same for this situation?”. It was a Wednesday morning that I felt he “hit me square in the eyes” and there was a big relief lifted off my heart. It really was this calmness all of a sudden about it that had not been there before. I felt he had spoken and told me it was ok. Later that day I told Jenn that I received the sense that it was ok to move forward.
Let's welcome Rubee to the Stults Household!
Last of Firsts
We are coming into the heart of the last of the “firsts” for our family. The first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years without Brisan and Parker. It feels far fetched to think that we haven't even crossed the one year of Parker's homecoming. Even the completely different look to family pictures. It still is a very sensitive time.
It's pretty hard to see these changes because what we knew as family had completed shifted into an entire new direction. As we continue to take family pictures, it becomes another reminder of how life continues to change for all of us. HE has a plan and we know that he will see us through it. One day we will all be reunited but just know that it is a journey.
There is never a day that we are not consistently thinking about Brisan and Parker. So many reminders in every nook and cranny of our home. Even as we put up Christmas decorations, it just zaps your heart to know that they physically aren't here. Duncan has been a good trooper to hang in there with the changes as he now is approaching turning 8 years old. I think it will be strange once he turns 9… then 10. He seems to be welcoming all the change but we know deep down he is finding his way through grieving.
Thank you for all your prayers and love.