Brisan and Parker Stults | Living with Niemann-Pick Type C

Posts Tagged ‘Brisan’

Today, we celebrate you, Brisan! 15 years old? Get outta here!

That doesn’t seem possible! Happy Birthday to you Bubbas up in heaven! I would wish you one heck of a day up there but from what I am told it’s a party that literally is out of this world!

Every year seems to become a bit more strange only because you are not here but also for the fact that you’d be morphing into a young adult in your own right. You’d be in high school right now! That seems so “odd” to say! It’s fascinating to wonder what type of life you’d would have lived thus far if the circumstances were different for you and Parker. How you would be socially with your friends… what kind of sports would you have played? What kind of other activities would you have been into? What would you be asking for your birthday now being a big 15 years old!?!?! Who would be your best friend? Would you have a girlfriend …oooooo :)?

Those are questions we will never know. They are locked away in another dimension never to be told because that simply wasn’t your life story… our life story. No matter the emotional distress that has been placed upon us, you live on forever in our hearts and we carry on life until we are called home like you were. The pain felt is so real and far greater than we can every truly realize because we couldn't carry that pain all by ourselves. Thank you for making me a father… your father. Now, you're at home with the ultimate Father. What a satisfying feeling.

I love you so very much and I know Duncan misses you a lot! I remember when he told me that “you were probably eating Cheetos” in heaven! That was very touching of him to say…

So, how are those Cheetos?

Happy Birthday, son.

Brisan on his Make A Wish trip June 2009

Happy 14th Birthday, Brisan! Ohhhh Mr. Bubbas! This is your 5th birthday celebrating your big day while you are in heaven. We hope you are having a big ol' party up there! Have you pushed your brother down the stairs again? Have you tried to tramp him in the clothes basket like you did Duncan? 🙂

Some have told us that these days would get easier as time goes on but really we just remember all the things that we are missing out on. Your presence brought us so much laughter and joy that our family just isn't the same without you or Parker here.

We will celebrate you today with a little “cacoons” at our favorite Chinese place! Our hearts will be heavy for you, son. We love you! We miss you immensely!

A couple weeks ago at church as we are studying Romans… we looked at what the message of Romans 8:28 WAS NOT.

Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.

• It doesn't mean all things that happen are good.
• It doesn't mean God causes all things, including bad things, to happen to you.
• It doesn't mean all things work out the way you want.
• It doesn't mean everything is going to work out for everybody eventually.
• It doesn't mean we can live any way we choose and God will fix our messes.

He will never allow a pain to be wasted in your life. All the pain and suffering will turn out for something good in the life of his kids.

All we have is hope. Keep smiling.

Today marks 10 years when we received the devastating news about Brisan confirming the Niemann-Pick Type C diagnosis. Shortly after, a handful of weeks later, Parker was confirmed as well. That day was so sad because we drove to the hospital and learned that our sweet boy(s) were never going to have a full life but an abbreviated one. One that was going to be filled with much heartache and devastation due to the cruelness of this horrible disease. Little did we know what was truly ahead…

To watch your sons slip away from all the things you and I take for granted health wise was quite life altering. It has ran deep in multiple directions over the course of the past 10 years and will continue to cut deep for many more. Wounds that are not healed by time but by the grace of God shouldering that burden that has left our family so riddled with deep sorrow.

Brisan and Parker, me and mommy Love You! You were such incredible young men with awesome personalities. You gave us so much joy and a passion to love you even more unconditionally.

We miss you. 🙁

Today marks 4 years at 1:55 am since you went to heaven, Bubbas. I feel we will write similar messages every year on your anniversary of your physical passing. Your joyful spirit and curious gestures were always something me and Mom reflect upon and cherish. You always had to have a finger or two in your mouth at all times!

We would say this was the hardest day of our life up until that point. It was so very much “not real” because we never left you at the hospital by yourself. Me or Mom were always there to be right by your side. Reflecting back to the day before on March 3rd, we could have never imagined this is what your homecoming would have looked like. Your passing was glorious in one right to the promises God has given us but it also invited a void that reality swept in and kicked us right in the teeth to learn how to cope without you here. It is an ongoing battle of grieving.

We all miss you and Parker dearly Brisan! I know Duncan sure does as well. I know you didn't get a chance to meet Rubee but we know she would have endeared you.

For all the things that we “dreamed” for your life here on earth, you showed us that we could love unconditionally that no one can just script.

I recall as I stood next to you on that hospital bed after you took your last breath, holding your hand, and crying looking upward towards heaven…. it felt so real. I felt you run up by my side and give me a big hug… a kind that I had to throw my right elbow up and over you so I could embrace you as back. Then you “ran” off like you were going to play. You had the biggest smile on your face… the kind that we so much remember before NPC took that away. It was so real feeling.

Me and Mommy love you.

The big 13th Brisan! Happy Birthday!

This marks your 4th birthday since you have went Home. Gosh, time just fly's by but the pain and hurt of losing you (and Parker) is still a very fresh wound for all of us. It has completely rocked our world and just when we thought having/had a rare disease was life changing, the grieving side of things has equally done the same to all of us. It has altered our hearts and minds in ways that frankly we couldn't wish upon anyone losing a child.

Me and Mom have talked about what you'd be “into” being in middle school and what some of your interests may be. You'd be in 7th grade this year and Parker in 6th grade.

We are so proud and honored to be your parents. I know Duncan misses you a bunch and that you never had the opportunity to meet Rubee, Mia and Anna but we sure hope you are having one heck of a party up there!

Mommy posted this on FB:

Today Brisan would of been 13 years old. A teenager, a 7th grader and our oldest boy. There are honestly no words to describe what it is like to not have you here with us. Happy Birthday sweet Bubbas. We love and miss you very much. You and Parker have forever changed our lives.

We love and miss you bubbas!

Our lives as many of you are aware has changed drastically the past 19 months. We lost Brisan March 4, 2014 and then Parker on January 23, 2015. During this time we had always been Foster Parents and cared for a few handfuls of children the past 3 years. We had one little girl come into our home August 1, 2014 named Rubee. Through a long process and even challenging times because of our grieving, we officially adopted her into our home on October 9, 2015.

Wait.. what?

Many of you also think we are beyond crazy. That is ok because to some extreme you have to be. You have to be extreme in your thinking, heart, and faith that God has a plan for your life and it doesn't always include “you” as the main subject. Here we are in the midst of grieving and we were called to adopt this little girl. This wasn't any ordinary little girl either.  Read the rest of this entry »